How do you turn fecal matter into cinnamon swirls?
Drive a Prius

It has come to my attention that the excrement of all people that have come into contact with a Prius has turned into a cinnamon-like matter. I am no doctor, but for some reason I seem to take a huge portion of shit from people who drive prius's. I hate them. I want them all to load a big pile of their own self-righteous shit into their own mouths for a change and swallow it, Because I'm tired of doing it for them.

Here is a small list of things that piss me off about people who drive priuses:

- I don't know what the plural form of Prius is. Is it priuses? prius's? priei?(I know it sounds dumb but so does octopi).

- They spend extra money on huge toxic chemical filled batteries to power their slow-ass car so they can claim that they are "saving the environment."

- even though they spend extra money on huge toxic chemical filled batteries to power their slow-ass car, they still only get like 40mpg anyway.

- Those useless feminazis get a sticker that puts them in the carpool lane, even when they only HAVE ONE FUCKING PASSENGER!

- They are all weakling coward tree hugging dirt worshipping salad tossers.(fact)

- Their cars are hard to make

They always drive in the carpool lane, even when they're going way slower than normal traffic. I don't understand it. When you are allowed to go into the license to speed lane you are required to drive fast and moon all the suckers that were not so fortunate as you to be in the commute lane. It's a requirement, trust me. But every time one of those fagel motherfuckers gets into one of those limpwristed, pantywaist cars they find themselves being immediately hurled into the carpool lane by some unseeable force so strong that it defies all known attractions. They will dart and drive like Mario Andretti, swerving in and out of lanes and cutting people off, They will blow through all obstacles like they blow through life, on their San Francisco sneakers, totally oblivious to all the danger and havoc that they are causing around them. They will continue recklessly like this until they are in the lane that they desire, which is always the carpool lane.

However, once they have reached the carpool lane, a sort of cool calm passes over them. Their eyes sink into their heads as they gaze into the distance with their droning bovine eyes. They will put their corporate approved media library on play in their purple 30GB i pod, and they will salivate at the thought of how sweet their shit smells. At which point they will promptly assume a top speed of 55mph in a 65 zone. Assholes.

What kind of selfish prick do you have to be to drive one of these cars in the carpool lane anyway? Their cars use less gas (barely) than a normal car. Therefore the drivers do not require as much money as a normal human to pay for gas. Therefore their drivers don't have to be at work as long every day to pay for gas. Therefore they need to get in the slow lane and go 55mph, like they do in the fast lane anyway, and get the fuck out of my way, so I can get to work and support my large share of wellfare recipients. Its like having a law made to allow fat people to automatically get one more helping of food than a normal human during a meal.

You say: "That would be ridiculous stasis, why would anyone impose such an ignorant law on a populace?"

I say: "How do you know who I am? Oh, you're one of those bottom feeding mouth breathers who reads my site, f off"

© stasis May 28th, 2008

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back to where you shit cinnabuns and drive a prius to work in the fast lane going 55 like an asshole