Acronimically speaking...

I have been thinking lately that many of the self-proclaimed acronyms of today are insufficient to describe the services provided by whatever group is in question. Therefore, I have decided in my in my infinite wisdom to offer my services as an acronym creator to these helpless organizations, who in their impotence are incapable of choosing an acronym that suits them.

UL Underwriters Laboratories

Gay as hell. What a horrible name for an association that dedicates its existence to enforcing ignorant laws that hinder and execute small businesses. Here is a more fitting acronym:

ANuS Asinine Narcissistic Utilitarian Systems

Better, It has kind of a ring to it. Just repeat it a few times; "Anus.....Anus....Anus...." It feels liberating somehow. Warning: Make sure you're extremely far away from other humans when you do this. Or hang out with deaf people.

Feminist groups. Usually the founders try to create a name that distinguishes them from all of the others. And there are many others. Feminists should be trying to unite with one another, not to segregate against eachother. I have decided to help them as well with a universal label. But first, some examples of non-fitting acronyms:

WEDO Women's Environment and Development Organization

NOW National Organization for Women

Again, not very descriptive and kind of long. Women's groups need to call attention to themselves in a positive light. All women's rights groups could unite under my umbrella phrase. If they would only disregard their mutual hatred and listen, I think this could benefit their entire movement:

FEMCUNTS Female Emotional Menstruating Childish Unemployed Nearsighted Trannys are Stupid

It is sooo hard not to laugh when I write this shit down in my cubie. Why do we type up and write down? "I'll write that down," wait, what if I "type it up." doesn't make any sense at all. what if I "typed it down" instead. I got nothing.

Next, we have one of my favorite places.

DMV Department of Motor Vehicles

I don't even know ehere to start with this. For one thing, they do not allow motor vehicles into their office. And the name does not give the impression that you are being raped brutally by them for your time and money. In exchange for nothing. Here are some possible solutions:

EWET Endless Waiting Every Time

WAGSWYST WYTIYPWA Watch Asians Get Serviced While You Sit Their With Your Thumb In Your Pastefactory White Ass

Has a nice sound to it, flows right off the tounge. Maybe not. I'm gona go hang with my deaf buddies now.

UPDATE- 7/18/08 - It seems that there are a few people being referred to this article when they Google an 'acronym creator.' What a sad world we live in.

stasis@stasisrant.com

Anus.......

WEDO	Women's Environment and Development Organization
NOW	National Organization for Women

EWET	Endless Waiting Every Time
WAGSWYST WYTIYPWA	Watch Asians Get Serviced While You Sit Their With Your Thumb In Your Pastefactory White Ass